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The Cost of Giving Too Much

People-pleasers, this one's for you.

  • Are you someone who goes to extremes to make other people happy, even at your own expense?

  • Are you sometimes described as a “doormat”?

  • Do you fear being labeled as "difficult" or "selfish"?

  • Do you have trouble saying "No"?

  • Do you dread of disappointing others, being rejected, inciting conflict?

  • Do you wrestle with shame, guilt, and resentments?

  • Do you have trouble voicing your opinions?

  • Do you often find yourself saying, “I don’t know” because you don’t want to disagree or because you’re out of touch with what you want, need, or believe?

  • Do you neglect or put your needs and wants last?

  • Do you frequently find yourself describing your life as busy and yourself as tired?

  • Do you stay up too late, skip meals, eat poorly, forgo exercise and time for yourself?

  • Do you feel good about being the dependable, the go-to person who can make it better?

  • Do you judge yourself harshly, setting over-the-top standards for yourself?

  • Do you feel resentful?

People-pleasers do things out of obligation rather than true desire. Eventually, anger and resentment build up. When this happens they may lash out with anger or passive-aggression. Mounting resentments and unmet needs lead people-pleasers to feel like martyrs and sound like helpless complainers.


Does the above sound all too familiar (and more than a little gross)? Work on setting and respecting boundaries, engaging in self-care and finding an accountability partner to tell you the hard truth when you need to hear it.

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