For partners who are (or who have been) in a relationship with an unfaithful partner, there are a number of books that can offer clarity and guidance. While self-help books are far from a one-size-fits-all ideology, the right one could help support your process of grieving and healing.
After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Janis Abrahms Spring (also author of How Can I Forgive You?, The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To)
Teaches how to navigate the aftermath as well as hold the pain so the betrayed partner can heal
Straight forward
Real world examples
Anatomy of an Affair: How Affairs, Attractions, and Addictions Develop, and How to Guard Your Marriage Against Them by Dave Carder (who also wrote Torn Asunder)
Teaches to recognize problems and avoid pitfalls
Includes exercises
Meant for Christians and religious couples
Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.
Improves understanding of barriers to apologizing
Presents true stories
Gives suggestions on how to apologize and how to receive an apology
Applicable, but not specifically about infidelity
Healing From Infidelity: The Divorce Busting Guide to Rebuilding Your Marriage After an Affair by Michele Weiner-Davis
Offers practical, step-by-step advice for couples
Not helpful for couples choosing to separate
Places blame on both parties
Infidelity: Why Men and Women Cheat by Kenneth Paul Rosenberg, MD
Tackles different kinds of cheating
Science-backed
Helps repair relationships
Not helpful for couples choosing to separate
The State of Affairs: The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel (author of Married in Captivity, host of Netflix show, Where do we Begin)
Helps understand the motivation for cheating with true stories
Not filled with advice
When You're The One Who Cheats: Ten Things You Need To Know by Dr. Tammy Nelson
Non-judgemental
Gives actionable advice
Not for couples
Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After by Katherine Woodward Thomas
Advice to help couples break up in a healthy way
Not for people looking to repair their relationship or those unsure about future
Infidelity: the Best Worst Thing that Could Happen to Your Marriage by Talal H. Alsaleem, LMFT
Guide to process damaged relationship
Places blame on both parties
The Road to Reconciliation: A Comprehensive Guide to Peace When Relationships Go Bad by Keith Wilson
Applicable, but not specifically about infidelity
Other notable books that I have not read.
First Aid For The Betrayed: Recovering from the Devastation of an Affair; a Personal Guide to Healing by Richard Alan
Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On—Together or Apart by Douglas K. Snyder, Donald H. Baucom, and Kristina Coop Gordon
“Affair-Proof” Your Marriage: Understanding, Preventing and Surviving and Affair by Lana Staheli
NOT “Just Friends” Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal by Shirley Glass
Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy by Frank Pittman
Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from the Pain by Rona Subotnik and Gloria Harris
Betrayed! How You Can Restore Sexual Trust and Rebuild Your Life by Riki Robbins
Beyond the Affair: The Healing of a Marriage by Loyd Kinnett
Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady's Survival Guide by Tracy Schorn (infidelity blogger: Chump Lady)
Out of the Doghouse: Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating by Robert Weiss, LCSW
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